Episode 208

You know, the end of the school year is fast approaching. And at the end of the school year tends to leave your family feeling off, overwhelmed, or more emotional than expected than this episode is for you. Because today we're talking about how to end the school year well and transition into summer without the chaos. And we are going to share the steps that we have learned over our time of moving from spring into summer, back into fall. We're going to share some of the things that we have just stumbled upon.

some of the things that we have definitely tried that have worked, some mistakes that we have made, but you're definitely gonna wanna listen to some of these and we're gonna ask some really important questions throughout the podcast to help you start, just get your brain kind of percolating about what kind of summer do I wanna have with my kids? Because it really is up to you to lead that discussion. And I guarantee you your kids want to have it, cause they want to create a summer that is gonna be very meaningful.

and wonderful as a family. take a moment to get ready to start thinking about those summer plans. I'm sure you've been thinking about it for quite some time now, but we're going to help you along that way. If you haven't already, please take a moment to stop and rate and review the podcast. Always love to hear back about how we're helping your family and other families and share this with other families you know that are getting ready for summer. And you're like, yeah, I really want to start having this conversation with other parents about this. And so please share this with them.

we would have greatly appreciated it. If you ever need help on your parenting journey and you are like, man, I really wish I had somebody to come alongside me, reach out to me at kyle at artofraisinghumans.com and we can talk about what parent coaching your family would look like. So look forward to you learning a lot in this episode and get ready to sit back and enjoy.

Kyle Wester (00:01.08)
Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans, I'm Kyle. Hi everybody, I am Sarah. And you know, Sarah, this episode's gonna be dropping right as the school year is kinda coming to a close, you know? So right near the end of April and soon before you know it, the school year's gonna be over. Right. Right? And kids are gonna be transitioning into summer and man, so many, I think families, that time can just get away from

Right? then there's no intentionality done about preparing the kid for summer. And we just really think that's a really important time to be. I know it's already on my mind and I'm sure I know it is on other parents minds too, as you know, your dance recitals are coming up and your soccer or whatever it might be. Everything is coming to a close for the school year. And you're thinking, all right, summer's right around the corner. I, know, you're already registering them for a camp or something like that. And you better be richer already. If you've been waiting this long, it's probably too late.

knows you gotta get on it. You have summer vacations in the works. I know we're right there right now and I'm sure every parent is. Yeah, we've been trying to make sure they get into that camp they want to get in and you're miss it. So making all the plans, all the schedules juggling all that. Yeah. So in this episode, we want to talk about why this transitions matter. This transition in particular matters more than most parents realize and how to help your kids get closure at the end of the school year.

but also how to make room for the mixed emotions that often come with that shift because it's a big change. And how to create a summer rhythm that feels intentional instead of chaotic. And we know Sarah that kids do better when we help them transition on purpose. Summer goes better when families create rhythm, they honor feelings, and they build, we like to use the word co-create, but they build and co-create that season together. You're just gonna have more success, because I know it can be a stressful time over the summer.

So the end of school year, know, it's a big transition, but it's not just a date on the calendar. It's not just like, cool, we did it. It's all over. Let's go. Kids are leaving some very long-term like routines. They're saying goodbye to teachers, friends, all the predictability has been going on since last September, right? And parents are also losing school scaffolding too. What do you mean by that? Well,

Kyle Wester (02:20.972)
the school, you know, they're building on things and you've had, you've kind of outsourced some things to the school that are developing your kids in different ways, you know, of course academically, but even in other ways we're relying on these systems. even you could have clubs and, and classes and things like that, that are also doing this with your child, other adults in their lives. And then

we suddenly come to summer and it's bam, it's gone. And it switches entirely. And I think we all deeply know that this does matter, but we have found working with lots of families and with our own children that there are some things you can do when you turn your attention to the fact that the scaffolding is going away, the support system is going away, it's gonna go better if we.

do some of these extra things to support that transition and notice it. It's good to remember that even the positive transitions that are taking place like, free time, like, we to wake up early. All that can actually create stress too. Yeah, it's one of those good things can create stress as well. the loss of the schedule is a huge one. People mention that all the time. We feel that as parents. Yeah. sometimes the kids don't know what's expected now. So let's start with this.

Let's help our kids. Let's talk about how to help our kids mark the end of the school year. So first we say let's not rush into the summer. Let's not go straight into it. We want to help our kids feel some sense of closure as the school year's wrapping up. We want to be able to celebrate growth and not just their grades or achievements that they've done throughout the year. We want to reflect on what they loved, what was hard, what they're proud of. I always love those conversations. We sit down.

We haven't always done this, the last few years we've definitely been more intentional and we have this, we might go get some crazy shakes. We find something to do to be like, okay, you guys did it. The year is done and we just have that. This isn't some two hour long deep conversation. You follow your kids lead and you just ask them their highlights. You mentioned your highlights. You reflect back because

Kyle Wester (04:29.378)
Whenever, I mean, if we have a job change, whatever happens in our lives, it helps us to have that intentional transition to look back and look forward, have those moments. And so it's just sitting down intentionally with your child and doing that too, and talking about each piece and what stood out and noticing those things in your child's life. And it helps their brain go, okay, something's shifting here. And we can properly give that.

there might be a piece of grief of I'm gonna miss my friends moving, this was it with that, or I love that teacher. And it's highlighting the grief, the joy, the nerves, you know what's coming next. There's all these feelings that can be rolling around in your child and they don't know it. Yeah. Well, I'm even thinking as you're saying that I'm thinking of this is what like sports teams do at the end of a season. You don't just, whether you won that season or you eventually lost, you still want to have some kind of wrap up with the team about

where we grew, where we're going. You don't want everybody just going home after that. Yeah, you're just like, bye. Yeah, she's like, hey, that was a great season. See you Yeah, have that end of the year party. Yeah, that's right. Even like they do that with cast parties, they do a big play, they look back at the big moments and you get to reflect. Like a big part of what we're always talking about is helping our kids strengthen their prefrontal cortex. And a part of strengthening that is taking time to look back, to reflect about the good things, the bad things, the ups, the downs. But like you mentioned specifically, the growth that's happened

in our family and in you personally. And sometimes the kids haven't even seen that. mean, that nine months to them was a long time. To us, sometimes it happened pretty quick. But if we can help look back and go, man, look how you've grown in this area. You got so much better in this. Because typically we just forget to have those conversations. Yeah. And notice it in ourselves, you know, if you have a child transitioning to middle school or high school and there's a piece of you that goes, my baby's growing up or.

I'm kind of nervous about what this means. I see them changing and growing. There's so many things happening in just this little bit of time, in just a few weeks, so much is going on. So you can do this with just some simple rituals. You talked about going out to eat for some fun dessert, but you could do a dinner out. It could be by writing notes to them. It could be like a family toast or a family kind of celebration. Some end of the year questions we discuss, maybe photo traditions, like taking photos at the end of the year with maybe some of favorite people or.

Kyle Wester (06:45.848)
places that you're gonna miss, your famed teacher, all those things would be wasted. pictures are so powerful for capturing the story and it gives something that kids can grab and look at, know, kind of thing. They can flip through and review that as they need to in their mind. Well, it's great, then they know they won't forget either. It'd be there, right? So kids, we wanna emphasize this, that kids do better when one season is honored before the next one begins. And that's kinda why...

what we've been talking about is so important for them because we want to honor what they've been through that that year was important and a lot happened and we don't want to just rush right into the next season, which would be the summer. So the second thing we do is be intentional about making room for some mixed feelings. You know, one kid could feel excited. Another one could feel relieved. Another one sad, another one anxious. or one kid could feel all those at the same time, right? some are grieving the teachers that they're going to losing or friends.

some routines, predictability, but we don't want to rush to fix these feelings too quickly. Yeah, yeah. I think it's really important each sibling, and if you have multiple kids, they can be feeling different things, and they can feel something today and something different tomorrow. So we just want to allow the space for each person and where they're at.

and helping them be able to do that for each other as well. Well, and really, a kid may be happy about summer, but they also might struggle with the transition, right? You know, so they could be excited about it, then feel anxious about it too, you know? And I think that brings in the idea that if you have multiple kids, you know, I'm sure you've all experienced this, that different siblings may need different things, you know?

One child may need more structure. Another may need more rest or more flexibility and a sense of freedom, right? Summer often exposes the differences the school year will hide because everybody's fitting into this predictable routine. But once there is that that's kind of those boundaries are kind of opened up and expanded, then you might see those differences present itself more. So avoid in this process labeling one child as easy

Kyle Wester (08:51.02)
and another one difficult. Yeah, and that can be easy to do. It is, because there's a piece of that that's true, right? This kid is just gonna be easier for me to figure out somewhere. This kid's going to be harder, but we wanna reframe that in our mind. We don't wanna necessarily think about it that way. We wanna think, okay, what does this person need? What does this person need? And just move into that support space. The comparisons are always gonna...

you know, hurt relationship, break things down. So we want to shift away. Yeah, you might be thinking of that one kid who any camp works for that kid. You got the other kid who's super specific. If I don't do that camp, I'm gonna be like, it can seem like, ah, the one kid is so simple. The other one makes everything so complicated. Yeah. But really there's strengths and weaknesses in each of those approaches. And it's important to not belabor those because one summer plan won't fit every child the same way. Okay. So the next thing we would want you to keep in mind or that we personally keep in mind,

is decide what kind of summer your family actually wants. So this comes into that idea of co-creating with your kids, okay? So maybe you sit down, ask them, you do we need the summer more rest? Do we want more adventure? Do we want more connection, more independence? Maybe less over scheduling? Do we need better rhythms, better predictability? Maybe we wanna create our own kind of predictable rhythm. Yeah, I really love this part. think it's, I don't wanna go through it too fast. I really wanna just.

bring it, just highlight the importance of, I think every parent goes into summer with some intention and some plan, but the power and creating that with your child and sitting down and asking them these things, what do you think we need as a family? What do you need personally this summer? And hearing what they say is brilliant. It's so fun to hear the things that they bring to the table and they can surprise you. They might not, but they can definitely surprise you.

And the buy-in you get when it's, how are we going to do that? How do you want to do that? How can we do that together? And to build that plan and not rush it, but to let that nicely unfold in some fun way, like we said, over shakes or over grab some pizza and sit down and do this in a fun way, not in an intense way. It's really, really powerful, your kids, because they're looking at summer now with, what am I creating this summer?

Kyle Wester (11:08.654)
what am I doing this summer? It empowers them, yeah, to start using their voice to create that. Yeah, because we know we can come up with this real, we come up with a plan, we're well-intentioned, love our kids, and after week one, it's all falling apart, you know? So this kind of helps with some of that, if we're making pictures or posters of what we're doing or writing down just a simple list of what we want to do. Well, a lot of that is just, we don't want to be assuming that we know what they want the summer to look like, you know? And that's why, if we aren't intentional, if we don't choose

the summer on purpose, the summer we wanna create on purpose, typically what happens is chaos or over control usually will choose that for you. All of a sudden the chaos being the takeover, you'll wanna start, I gotta do it, and you start kinda over controlling the time and the schedule, and it becomes just like recreating another school thing again, instead of it actually, the summer. It's different. It should have a different pace, a different A different feel to it, yeah. Well, and that brings us right into, like you've been saying, a part that we're really excited about is,

planning with our kids, not just for our kids, right? I mean, depending on the age, some of that when the kids are younger, you are planning more for them, but even then they have a voice, you wanna include You can bring choices into it. but you wanna make sure, especially as they're older too, that you're doing this together, you're collaborating, because collaborating with your kid builds buy-in while the parent still kinda stays in the lead. You still are discipling your kids, you're still leading your kids, but you wanna...

teach them how to collaborate with you on creating the summer they want. So you wanna invite kids into some really important conversations. And those conversations are about screens, right? That's a huge conversation. Huge one, yeah. I know a lot of parents go in the summer, they have not had that talk, or they come in very controlling about it. And it's like, they're already so stressed about that, right?

So having that talk about what's the expectation on screens? What are the kids? And being realistic. If you have no plans for your kids and they just can't do screens, obviously that's probably going to fall apart real fast. Yeah, thinking about chores or just responsibilities around the house. I now that they're home more, what's some things you'd like them to help with or maybe they'd like to help with? Yeah, how are they going to grow? How are they going to have fun without over just everything itemized and controlled? Because that will.

Kyle Wester (13:24.204)
Well, and think about spending time with friends. What's that going to look like? Are we going to travel? What are they going to do when there's downtime? Like when they feel bored? What are we going to do when there's boredom? You know, they're all excited and then they're bored real fast. Well, here's some great questions maybe to ask him is what do you want more of this summer? What helps your days go well? What usually makes summer harder for you? Okay. But connection.

Throughout this process like you keep talking about Sarah doing this together having these fun times That's because connection plus leadership Works better than doing summer to your kids, right? We don't want to do summer to your kids Focus on doing summer with your kids. Okay Okay, so this next next part that we we think is very important is we want to start learning how to create a rhythm a summer rhythm that is It's got like order to it, but it's not becoming rigid, you know

so you want to think about having some anchors, not an hour by hour schedule. Can you speak more about that? What does it mean having some anchors? Well, yeah, I was kind of saying that if we sit up at 8 AM and chores by 8 30 and that's, that's not the summer, right? But we can have the rhythms of we are still going to wake up and we're still going to, for me, make our bed, put our clothes away and eat some breakfast. Right.

So that will be a little more relaxed. won't be so rigid when we've got to be somewhere and get to school or things like that. But those rhythms are still going to be there. We're going to have these rhythms of cleaning or chores or taking care of things, responsibilities, but then the rhythms of fun and intentional connection and not just hoping those things happen, but having those things built in.

Well, even like I'm thinking going to sleep at a certain time, right? Having that rhythm of, we still doing the nighttime routine? time is What's that time? And we're all agreeing as a family. that Saturday night's a late night? Yeah. But then the other days, this is the, and having some, not just losing all your boundaries and all your things that you had before, all the habits that you had and letting those entirely There could be expectations too about having some reading time or doing some, making sure those responsibilities or chores are done before there's any screens.

Kyle Wester (15:36.29)
having still predictable meals, having a, like we said, a bedtime or even just a weekly family check-in. I know we've really been enjoying on our Sunday evenings, having a time where we make dinner together as a family and then discuss kind of how the previous week went, what's the week coming, and kind of have that there. You still do that. Even though you don't have this busy school schedule, there's still, we still check in. And we might do it at the pool. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But the goal is just have enough rhythm.

for everyone to have this predictability about how to function, what the expectations are. But we don't want it to be rigid and set in stone. I mean, it's summer. So let's move it, have a little more flexibility on it, is that's the joy of it. So now let's talk about how we prepare for some big summer trouble spots, things that might be particularly conflictual. So you'd be thinking about screen battles, right? There could be some issues about screens, how much...

Kids wanna be on them or are on them. So we wanna be able to have those conversations before the summer. Some sibling conflict, know, maybe if you're expecting that to be an issue, like I mentioned before, boredom would be an issue. You'd wanna be thinking, what are we gonna do there? Talking about the bedtime, getting all messed up, and then how there's maybe stand up later and sleeping in longer. And you know, that can be a real conflict. know, first we're excited that we don't have to do the bedtime thing, but then next thing you know, kids are pushing it they're up later and later.

They're dysregulated. Their bodies are out of rhythm. They're sleeping in later and then they don't want to get up and clean. So keeping some, some of this stuff, it's so helpful for making the summer smoother. If we just don't let it all go, you know, just having some of these things, you know, instantly in your head, okay, they're not used to being around each other. Now they're going to be around each other every day. They're used to being in class or whatever the situation is. And just knowing the things you want to set up those kind of

boundaries within that flexibility, knowing this stuff is coming and we don't want to just let it go wherever it wants to go. Yeah, and I'm also thinking parents might be working at home or that might be a new conflict where maybe the parents are stressed about how are going to figure that. The kids are home now and the kids aren't at a camp or I'm needing to still work or even transitions in and out of camps or in and out of those activities because

Kyle Wester (17:55.01)
That's a lot. mean, dude, we live in Oklahoma and it can get really hot. So like, know kids here sometimes are going to camp all day and they're outside a lot of the day and they're really, really hot. They're exhausted. Yes. They're exhausted emotionally and physically, and it takes them days to really recover from that. you know, I try in my head, think, okay, that, you know, we're going to have the fun at this camp, but then I know afterwards we're going to need some recovery time. Or I'm thinking if they've never done that camp, all types of new social conflicts that arise with

how are those teachers there or how are those other kids? might be some kid that's kind of a bully or something. be so hard for the kid to know. Some can be so anxious going to it because they don't know. But there could also be trips that you're going on, how to get ready for those, going to see grandparents or if the kids are in childcare over the summer. But we know that summer will go better when we think ahead instead of reacting to these problems. we want to, we obviously didn't mention everything, but.

There's some that you're probably thinking right now. Tell us like, what about this one? I really am worried about that. but, the first one I think I want to hit Sarah is one that I hear a lot from parents and kids that cause a lot of problems is, the subject of boredom. So how do we talk about boredom in a healthier way? You know, one thing to keep in mind is boredom is not an emergency. So I know the kid might think it is, but boredom is you don't need to like jump in quickly and make sure they're not bored. it's, it's often the space.

that happens before creativity rest, or even the kid taking initiative to go do something on their own. And some kids may need a little help getting started, but parents do not need to become cruise directors where you have, mean, we have seen that app where parents have, here's your stack of 50 things to do. mean, we've not been on a cruise, but we know we've heard about this, right? We're like, you have all this list of things to do. And it's like, the parents have tried everything they can to make sure the kids are not bored because they think boredom is going to lead to.

all of these other big problems that we talked about. Right, And there's lots out there on boredom. I would think I see all kinds of things on how good boredom is. So this is just your friendly reminder that boredom is great and it's okay to allow space to know this afternoon's gonna be quiet and possibly boring. Yes. And let your child wrestle with that because good things are gonna happen in their brain as they do. Well, and I think that, I mean, I'm thinking of, when it comes to boredom, I really want our kids to have

Kyle Wester (20:21.954)
boredom tolerance, the ability to tolerate the boredom. Because in our culture with the phones and the screens, they're all trying so hard to keep us from ever being bored. And even we as parents can fall into that of never feeling that boredom. And we want to be able to raise kids who are okay with that feeling and then know how to use it in a proactive way to go do other things. To know they can come up with something they can create. They don't need to avoid it. Yes. Okay.

Want to make sure of the summer that we're gonna keep connections central because the routines are gonna kind of be looser, right? So less routine can mean it doesn't have to be but can mean more friction can mean we're Reacting a lot more and getting more annoyed and frustrated. So we want to protect our The ways we connect with our kids on purpose with our tone how we're talking to them making sure when we do lose it Which we're going to that we go back we repair

And that we're also doing check-ins with them on a regular basis and having some one-on-one moments. I mean, that really can be the beauty of summer is getting some one-on-one moments to there's some freedom to readjust and have those connections. Yeah, so just in life in general, this is a great lesson as parents that when structure does loosen, connection has to become even more intentional because we want to make sure we're going back and touching the base because maybe some those predictable routines are doing it for us, okay?

We want to be able to also make sure we're thinking ahead about being regulated so we don't get so reactive. Summer often means later nights. It means more sugar. In Oklahoma, it means heat, which that's one of my hardest ones. It means it's going be really hot. And then there's going to be travel. There's going to be more sibling engagement, interaction, and fewer breaks. So many of these summer problems

are only problems because they're regulation problems more than they are discipline problems. So they're really about us regulating ourselves, helping our kids regulate themselves. Because think of it like, you know, we've used the word a couple of times here, it is a skill on knowing how to all of sudden manage all of this free time and all these new ways in which we're spending more time as a family together, whatever that might look like. And so we've got to really work on being intentional about not being reactive, but about being regulated.

Kyle Wester (22:43.118)
connected, responsive. Yeah. Okay. Well said. mean, we know it's coming. Everyone, think you sell it and I'm like, yep, yep, yep. Yep. That's good. Here we go. And part of what helps me Sarah is being really intentional to notice, um, my own triggers, my own hopes, my own expectations over the summer. think, yeah, I think that's really big because we do have these big dreams, right? And then

we can be disappointed. We're like, this is not the summer I wanted for my kids. I only have so many summers before they graduate. I got to make the most of it. And, and we've got to hold that that anxiety and that pressure can be there. and we also have the power to make it a beautiful summer. It's not going to be perfect and that's okay. to kind of just know that all those things are existing inside of us at the same time. I know I definitely, when our kids were, were, were much younger and this was kind of new and I wasn't

summer was new to me, how to do this summer stuff with kids. I had my own idea of summer, what was like for me as a kid. And then you just assume in certain ways it will be similar to that, right? And so I think as parents, we often carry a picture of what we think summer should be like or what summer should feel like. And that can create some pressure, some disappointment, some sense of I need to take control of this summer, right? And then we wanna make sure that instead of us trying to make a magical summer,

Let's work on making a meaningful one. And if that's your goal, if you can aim for meaningful over magical, that is actually more in your control. Because magical is just hard to create, unless you're Disney or something. So I hope this has kind of given you an idea about how to start thinking ahead about the school year. And then you're going to be thinking ahead.

about like how we're going to approach this in an intentional way, not so we can win the summer, but so we can make it a time where we grow together as a family and we grow closer to our kids. So we don't want to let summer become a total free fall. A smoother summer often leads to a smoother back to school transition. So I'm thinking of Sarah, how many families I helped coach where maybe they haven't been intentional about the sleeping stuff and then.

Kyle Wester (24:59.886)
August is this battle where all of a sudden the kids are upset. Like, how are we going to get back to going to sleep again? Our screens have been, oh my gosh. And it's like the August is just this like really negative time because we're finally having to like put some So how we do this summer also will lead into the fall. Exactly. A much better time. So I just want to throw some questions at you to think about as the summer's coming close for you. Just ask yourself, what does our family need this summer?

What rhythms help my child do well? Where can I collaborate more with my kids and my spouse? What do I want to intentionally celebrate or grieve as this year ends? And those are just a few questions that I think would be helpful to any family to be thinking about. And you don't need a perfect summer plan. That's not what we're trying to create here. Yeah, we won't have one. But we do want to have an intentional start to the summer. And I think we wanted this episode to drop for you.

near the end of April because we know school for some will be ending early May to mid May and this will give you a few weeks to start brainstorming that if you haven't already and we'd love to hear what you do if you have intentional things you do that you think make your summer amazing and magic magical and meaningful even one little thing that helps yes you found send it our way we love to hear you share it email me at Kyle at art of raising humans calm and we'd love to share it with our community as well and the other podcast listeners so

We want to thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this. And we are really rooting for you to be intentional about this upcoming summer, that summer 2026 will be a great one for you and your family. Have a great day.