Episode 170

Episode 170 Transcript:

Kyle And Sara Wester (00:09.262)
I think every parent listening to this podcast wants their kids to be successful. You hope your kids, you know, perform well in school and then whatever sports or activities they're interested in and we're hopeful it will lead to them getting into a great college and having a career that they love and really enjoy. And I know that's kind of the dream, right? But what if the path we're taking with them to get there is gonna make that much more difficult to achieve?

You know, so many times we're following a path that we think is certain by helping our kids get the best grades and get into the best college. And we think this is a for sure plan that's going to make it most likely to succeed. But that's why I wanted to bring on our guest today, Carrie Roberts, who is a consultant and coach for kids when it comes to preparing for college. This is what she does. She went back to school specifically to help kids with this. And it's really fascinating what she shares.

that colleges are looking for today and what they're really wanting for their applicants and how they're choosing the kids they choose to go to their schools. And so I know if that's something that you're, whatever age your kid is, you're wondering, how do I help my kid get into those schools that are gonna be the best fit for my kid? Well, Carrie Roberts is going to give you the magic info you need to make that possible. And she's gonna talk about how that starts at an early age. It doesn't just start in high school. It actually...

It makes it so much easier to help your kid know their story way before they even get into high school. So as they're doing that, they can start pursuing the path that really is congruent with their strengths and who they are. And that is something colleges are looking for. So if that is your dream for your kid, you're going to want to jump in today and listen to Carrie Robertson. If you haven't done it already, please take a moment to stop, rate the podcast, leave a comment below.

definitely love to hear your feedback. Even email us at kyle at art of raising humans.com. We'd love to hear about how the podcast is helping you and your family and hope you're sharing it with anybody else. You think this could be helpful. So if you know any friends or family who have kids preparing for this and they're worried and stressed about college, we'll get ready to listen to the wisdom that Carrie Roberts is going to share with you today.

Kyle And Sara Wester (0:1.112)
Hello and welcome to The Art of Raising Humans, I'm Kyle. Hi there, I'm Sarah. And you know, Sarah, one of the ⁓ scariest things or one of the hardest things, the most difficult things, I guess, to navigate in today's modern world is helping your kids get to college. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I think every mom group I'm in right now, that conversation comes up very regularly about how to, you know, your kids, especially if they're in high school, it's like, how do we do this?
what that landscape feels like is always changing and how to navigate that. Well, it's so different from even when you and I were doing it, right? Yes. And then even I don't remember having any conversations with my parents at all, other than you're going to college. That was like the whole thing, but it wasn't how do we get there? You knew you took a test and then you applied, but now there's so many different things going on. And I know the kids I'm helping at the practice, ⁓ the kind of older kids get ready for college. They're very stressed.
And they're very worried and scared and their parents are worried they won't get into the college or you is that the right college or you pick in the right degree? And so today we wanted to introduce our audience to a guest that I had a great conversation with a few weeks ago and thought we definitely need to introduce her because our audience needs her help. So we want to introduce Carrie Roberts. So thank you Carrie Roberts for coming on the podcast.

Kerry Roberts (1:17.804)
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.

Kyle And Sara Wester (1:20.108)
And Carrie, what you do, I mean, want you to tell our audience kind of what that is, but what you do is you help coach and consult kids ⁓ to successfully be able to navigate the realm of college applications and all that kind of stuff. So kind of tell me more in depth, what it is you do and how you got.

Kerry Roberts (1:36.160)
Yes, and the first thing I want to respond to is the beginning of your conversation around the stress. And my goal, and I hope our goal in this conversation really is to de-stress the process and ideally to liberate families that your child is already ⁓ magic ⁓ and talented and gifted and unique.
And so the best way to get them actually ready for college is not to stress about all the things that they should be doing, but rather reflect their gifts, talents, unique, ⁓ let them shine where they're meant to shine. And that's the best way to take care of the college process. So what I do ⁓ is, yes, I help

Kyle And Sara Wester (2:12.076)
Yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (2:29.854)
I help students and families ⁓ navigate the mechanics of how to be ready, choosing classes and helping students balance, taking challenging classes, doing as well as they can, being present in the classroom, getting them help if they need it, showing up as a student and doing their best. Because that's all we can ever ask ⁓ of our students in the classroom is to do their best and stay in tune with their strengths.
And my passion ⁓ is really to help them uncover the things that they are naturally drawn to, curious about, passionate about. What do they do when there's no obligation and no one's asking them, looking there for clues to help them be as unique and memorable and build stories so that the colleges can get a sense that these students have tapped into. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (3:13.036)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (3:27.798)
what they're curious about and are sort of on their way to being exciting adults.

Kyle And Sara Wester (3:32.940)
Yeah, no, I love that. Now, how did you get into that? Why are you passionate about helping kids do that?

Kerry Roberts (3:39.706)
I was 20 plus years working with big brands. So think Snickers and ⁓ &Ms and laundry detergent and rental cars and dog food. ⁓ And a lot of that work was about understanding both data but also psychology ⁓ and what is it that makes a brand unique and memorable and different.
And I did that for a lot of years. ⁓ as my own children got to the high school process and thinking ahead to college, it had changed ⁓ so ⁓ much. And you alluded to that at the beginning. It had changed so much that I just started to do some of my own research for my own peace of mind as a mom. And the more I learned, the more fascinated I became. And that was a few years ago.
⁓ And until the third person, the third friend of mine said, boy, would you be good at this? ⁓ I went back to school and I got a ⁓ certification with UCLA. And now I find that instead of helping brands tell their stories, ⁓ I help students create brands through their stories. And so the work is really transferable and I ⁓ love it. I love every moment of it.

Kyle And Sara Wester (5:0.824)
Wow. ⁓ I love that because that's what I keep seeing. ⁓ kids, ⁓ know, you're ⁓ as a parent, feel like, okay, what's your transcript? What classes are we taking? And you, and I really feel like they do get lost in the, even with my daughter, like as we're talking through is like, I don't want it. I don't want you just to build a transcript. Who are you? ⁓ And, ⁓ I know what's one thing that we had talked about is, is just how that starts a lot earlier. You know, like we, we, I even have a nine year old.
⁓ You know, and I know they're really young ⁓ but ⁓ I I think that work starts at a young age You know, we can try to we can do it definitely in high school ⁓ but ⁓ I think it's something that we can take to those younger years ⁓ and And be curious and I think it starts with that curiosity of who you are. So I don't know ⁓
Can you speak to that at all about, what if my kids are younger? Are there things I can think about now as a parent that will make it a little easier and a little less scary when we hit ninth grade? You know, if I have a middle schooler, you know. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (6:8.450)
Absolutely, absolutely. You touched on a word that I speak to a lot, is curiosity, right? And so we need to be curious about our kids and what lights them up ⁓ and help them stay in tune and in touch with their own natural curiosities. ⁓ One of the best places to look for that is play, ⁓ I think.
⁓ We all, ⁓ you have children, I have children. When I think back to my own two boys who are very different, they both played very differently independently when they were young. I had one kiddo who would lose himself in thousand piece Lego sets and another kiddo who we could never figure out what to buy him for the holidays because all he did was write ⁓ on paper. And so, ⁓ he'd get

Kyle And Sara Wester (6:52.718)
⁓ Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (7:2.594)
would get him reams of paper. And he was just creating, creating, creating, creating. And so all, and now they're in college ⁓ and it's probably not, you know, it won't surprise you to know that one's going into engineering and one is going into communication and marketing. ⁓ And you know, that doesn't like, I can't take credit. ⁓ I can't take credit for that other than helping them. Like you say, you know,

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:11.949)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:18.626)
Yep. wow, cool. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:26.487)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (7:32.362)
I think reflecting their natural curiosities for them, like keeping them in touch and in tune with that because there's a lot of external pressures when they get to school to be good at everything. And we forget that not, ⁓ know, if ⁓ everybody was meant to be good at everything, we wouldn't have rock bands and poets and scientists and.

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:38.200)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:44.365)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:48.504)
Yes. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (7:57.718)
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, ⁓ yeah.

Kerry Roberts (8:0.586)
and painters and ⁓ robotics engineers. And so, you know, I think that a lot of those clues come early. And if we can celebrate them, then the gift of that is confidence for the child to just take more place, ⁓ use their voice and take more space in the world with their strengths. And perhaps not feel ⁓ a little bit of perhaps protection.
from that pressure that's gonna come later on from teachers and unknowingly parents and ⁓ peers about sort of fitting in these boxes. And now maybe I'll jump ahead a little bit to the thing that I wish I had known when my kids were in middle school, maybe starting high school. The idea that we try to force our kids into these boxes. You must play a sport or two. You must.

Kyle And Sara Wester (8:57.622)
Yes, yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (8:59.708)
join three clubs and ⁓ gosh darn it, you must be president of one of those by the time you're, right? this ⁓ is an old narrative and colleges have left it behind and I really want families to feel liberated by the idea that this is the old game. The new game is to be interesting and authentic.

Kyle And Sara Wester (9:6.200)
That's right. Yes. Yes. Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (9:22.294)
Mm-hmm.

Kyle And Sara Wester (9:27.598)
Hmm, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (9:29.056)
Right? ⁓ I use this example a lot. If there were two students and they were both straight A students ⁓ and really, really gifted intellectuals and one of them had done all the typical things in a high school and the other one had gone out on a quest for the perfect guacamole recipe and become a guacamole entrepreneur, who's the college gonna pick? A really cool guacamole entrepreneur.

Kyle And Sara Wester (9:52.204)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (9:58.402)
So, you know, does that mean that every child needs to start a business, a project, run a nonprofit? No. But I don't want to discourage parents from helping children celebrate those things that make your child most unique and memorable, because that's really where they're going to get noticed in this process.

Kyle And Sara Wester (10:2.958)
Sure, yeah, yeah, ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (10:22.690)
Yeah, you know, that makes me think of though, Carrie is, is I think going back to those early years, I think the mistake and I think a lot of parents, ⁓ they kind of, they feel pressured to do it. They kind of go, man, I don't know. Another path to take is ⁓ over scheduling the kids, right. Getting the kids involved in everything ⁓ because they think if I diversify, if I get to, if they go to like five different camps over the summer, and then they're involved in two different sports and they're like, and it's like, eventually, like you said, there'll be this really well-rounded person who can

Kerry Roberts (10:37.792)
Hmm.

Kyle And Sara Wester (10:52.714)
interested in almost anything but what I've noticed when the kids are in that those high school years and I'm talking to them is they're kind of confused who they are like that they don't really know who they are and what they like because it's kind of been the parents the whole time telling them like you said what they should be interested in what they should be pursuing
⁓ And then they think that's gonna bring success is, hey, we saw this one family, their kid did X, Y, and Z. Like you said, he checked all the boxes and now he's getting into all the colleges of his choice. And so ⁓ I think in those early years, what you did for your kids ⁓ and what we try to do with ours is you left some breathing room.
to do the Legos. You left some breathing room to spend time creatively writing, right? So then that could help you through those middle school years to leave some space, you know, actually let your kids be bored. And then in that boredom, they will go, I would like to do this. And they just like lean towards that. And part of that, I think is the process too of helping the kid discern ⁓ what is truly them instead of what is what we're.
putting on them.

Kerry Roberts (12:6.050)
Absolutely, absolutely and back to that notion of play, right? ⁓ I think the childhood that you're describing ⁓ we have parented that with the best intentions There is a passivity in it if children are just passengers all the time ⁓ of their parents You know ⁓ own goals

Kyle And Sara Wester (12:9.997)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (12:19.438)
⁓ Yep.

Kyle And Sara Wester (12:34.412)
Yeah. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (12:34.998)
And we ⁓ all want our children to try lots of things. think exploration ⁓ is important in balance ⁓ with some space for creativity and boredom, because that's where the real magic can happen for sure. ⁓ But you bring up a really good point in this sort of over-scheduled, kids end up ⁓ unsure, unclear, exhausted. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (12:41.804)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:1.142)
Mm-hmm.

Kerry Roberts (13:1.822)
and without the space to kind of find their own lane sometimes. So it can sometimes do more harm than good, even though it really does come from love. ⁓ And sometimes a little bit of fear that if we don't get our kids involved in something early, they're behind. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:5.432)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:10.060)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:16.750)
Yes. Oh, totally. Of course. a lot of pressure to get your kids in early and get them, you know, coaching or private, you know, it's not enough that they just go to soccer practice. They've got to be, you know, there is a lot of that. And then in the teenage years is like, well, you had, you better already have it figured out by now. Cause otherwise it's too late for you. Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (13:38.246)
It's so true. It's so true. And what do our children learn if we're constantly propping them up and getting them help and getting them help and getting them the help they learn, you know, that failure is not really an option, which is not the message we, you know, there's so much growth and resilience and failure. I know you guys cover a lot of that, but such a gift. The other thing they learn is you're not good enough on your own.

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:50.392)
Yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (14:4.152)
Yeah. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (14:4.682)
You know, and so I think it's okay to kind of let a child stumble in some areas because it's really redirection to their strength.

Kyle And Sara Wester (14:14.606)
Yeah. Yeah. Can you actually talk more about that? Cause one thing I feel this pressure or I see this pressure on kids to, you know, find your course. mean, really, really, really early. And I kind of think that, wow, you could change courses in a year or six months. You try some, I'd actually rather you feel the freedom not to lock in.
you know, and even, you you see people changing careers well into adulthood. So can you kind of speak about that exploration and mistakes and all of that more?

Kerry Roberts (14:47.402)
Yeah, absolutely. mean, I think all any parents need to do is look at their own journey to know that there's not really a straight line, right? It's like there's a bit of dissonance because, you know, we all know we're we've got many careers ⁓ on the path to feeling purposeful and joy. And yet we do feel this sort of intense pressure to make sure our kids are in a lane and on a path. ⁓ And I think that really

Kyle And Sara Wester (14:53.676)
Yes. Yes. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (15:3.020)
Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (15:17.238)
Helping them, if we could more keep them in touch with, what kinds of problems or ideas excite you? What environments do you like to learn in? Do you like quiet solitude? Do you like bustle and people around you? Do you like an intensity? Do you like kind of a chill vibe? If we can help kids reflect a little bit, because yeah, they're all gonna go to school, they're all gonna take biology, they're all gonna take math.

Kyle And Sara Wester (15:25.869)
Hmm.

Kyle And Sara Wester (15:44.483)
Yeah, yep.

Kerry Roberts (15:45.846)
But if we can have more of those conversations ⁓ about like, then they'll be able to take that reflection around what kind of a problem solver, worker, teammate into any work environment, you know, in any career, right? ⁓ So I think the more conversations we can have heading into middle school ⁓ and high school around

Kyle And Sara Wester (16:1.728)
That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (16:13.282)
your natural wiring and aptitudes, then I think that breeds the right kind of reflection rather than do you want to be a doctor or a lawyer or a, know, who knows?

Kyle And Sara Wester (16:16.482)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (16:21.954)
Yeah. Yeah. that's good. It's really like knowing what questions to ask. Yes. ⁓ You know, that's good. Yeah. Knowing what question. Yeah. Well, I just hopeful to go instead of here's the solution or here's what you need to be doing. Here's the path you have to take. Yeah. Yeah. Reflect on this. Yeah. Yeah. love that. And if you could be, you know, kind of clarify ⁓ what I love about our conversation, Carrie, that we had a few weeks ago was
You have one path where parents are like, this is like a certain path. If you take this, you're going to get into that best college and you're going to be successful. And you're saying, no, that's not exactly true. But then you also, there's this other path that you were talking about that where people will say, man, if you do what you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life. Right. And that's also not what you're promoting either. So can you speak to that? think there's a middle path ⁓ that you're articulating. So to kind of just tell, I know we've talked about the first one.
There's not this just clear cut cookie cutter path, but it also isn't this kind of pie in the sky stuff of you'll just go to work and you'll be smiling every day and it's gonna be amazing. Cause I think there's a lot of parents who go, that's bull crap. That's not true. Sometimes you get up and it sucks and you want, you want your kid to be able to be able to do that as well. So kind of speak to that.

Kerry Roberts (17:39.776)
Yeah, thank you for bringing this up, because I think this is a really valuable lesson, because ⁓ work is going to always have joyful moments, tough moments, setbacks, challenges, drudgery moments, even if you ⁓ happen to find and be fully engaged in your dream ⁓ career. ⁓ So I think when we think about helping children,
find a path and we say to them, do something that sparks joy and you'll always love what you do. ⁓ I think the real message maybe or the better message might be ⁓ know where your strengths are, lean into those. And some of that can be technical. That could be, do I like humanities or do I like STEM? Do I like problem solving or do I like?
collaboration. you know some of that is kind of more technical ⁓ but some of it is is a few of the skills I was talking about earlier. Do I want to be surrounded by lots of people or work alone? Do I want to be so I think if we can give students that kind of equipment ⁓ and a little bit of freedom ⁓ to let them know that it's okay not to have it decided on path ⁓ then they're more they're more

Kyle And Sara Wester (18:37.613)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (18:50.403)
Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (19:2.210)
confident and less fearful to change direction. it sort of swirls back to this idea of ⁓ failure is really rediscovering something else, right? ⁓ One door closes and new things open when you try something. ⁓ I heard once, and I love this idea, but there's ⁓ almost no decision that we can make that isn't reversible. The wrong ⁓ college,

Kyle And Sara Wester (19:5.230)
Mm.

Kyle And Sara Wester (19:28.110)
⁓ Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (19:32.226)
reversible. The wrong job, reversible. You move to the wrong town, reversible. So there's a lot I think of freedom that can come if we just help our kids, especially if we can tell our kids, look, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up and I'm, you know, 42 and I've done this and I was in banking and then I was in marketing and now I'm in college advising and each one serves me.

Kyle And Sara Wester (19:32.610)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (20:0.406)
the time that I'm in it, but life is more magical when you're partly along for the ride and just keep your ⁓ mind open to the things you don't even know are around the corner. ⁓ Because there can be a lot of excitement around the corner if you are A, tapped into what serves me, what ⁓ am I joyful about and look for those things, but also what am I good at? Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (20:13.090)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (20:26.636)
Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's important that thing is, Sarah and I have noticed as we've gotten older, ⁓ it's not even that if you enjoy it ⁓ or you're good at it, it's gonna always be easy. You know, it's just what we found was sometimes we're doing work that seems hard. ⁓
but it's not necessarily draining me. ⁓ It's hard work, but the challenge is invigorating me. And that's kind of how we started to like in our thirties, it took us till our thirties to be like, I really think I'm good at this or I like that. ⁓ Especially early on, Sarah is a magnificent listener. So when Sarah got her counseling degree, it was like, yeah, you'd be good at that.
And then we would be talking about Kyle, you talk too much. You wouldn't be good at that. And then it found out like eventually like, Oh wait, counseling doesn't have to look the way you do it. It can look this way to where like, I obviously can listen and she's helped me be a better listener, but I can also be very directive and, the clients I have want that and they like that. And that's actually very invigorating to me when I can have that kind of relationship with a client where I'm able to be directive and almost be a coach.
And so it's just really neat, like along the way you're kind of attuning to yourself ⁓ and the experiences you're having. And it's just, it's really, know, what we're hoping to do. And I think what you're trying to do with these kids is from an early, early age, trying to get that knob to where you're attuning not only first with your kid, but helping your kid attune to themselves. So they're more aware of their own experience.
throughout the activities that they're participating. Because the activities aren't good or bad in themselves. It's really what is the intent behind the activity? If we think the intent is gonna somehow create a certain path for them that's gonna make them successful, that's just not true. Instead, you want the intent to be the goal is let's explore this is what I hear you saying and see what your experience is with it. What did you learn about yourself through it?

Kerry Roberts (22:24.916)
And if I could build on what you're saying, because ⁓ you ⁓ mentioned two words in your story, and you talked about each of you doing similar jobs but differently. And the ⁓ two words that I feel are really, really powerful are draining and invigorating. And ⁓ what you're really talking about is tapping into your energy. What fuels your energy, and what drains your energy, and how?

Kyle And Sara Wester (22:47.106)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (22:50.989)
Yep.

Kerry Roberts (22:54.304)
beautifully simple that language is for even young, kids, right? Does your violin lesson fuel your energy or drain your energy? And allowing ⁓ our kids to have space in that conversation about their own energy, right? ⁓ Your child wants to quit lacrosse or soccer or football.

Kyle And Sara Wester (22:57.922)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:13.080)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:16.556)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (23:18.314)
and you allow them a voice in, is it draining your energy or invigorating your energy? The earlier and more often we can do that in partnership with our kids, my gosh, the things that they're, as an adult, the boundaries that they'll have for themselves, right? So I love that you brought that up and I'm so glad that you did because I think that is a really simple framework.

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:22.764)
Yeah, ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:34.061)
Yeah.
Yes, ⁓ yeah, really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:47.096)
Yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (23:47.218)
for even thinking about ⁓ the youngest children all the way through to the college process about drivers and drains of our energetic systems because if we tune into them, they are powerful and they give us a lot of feedback. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (23:57.196)
Yeah, yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (24:4.376)
Well, in what you just did there too, is it expands the conversation with the kid from, you like lacrosse or do you not? Do you like soccer or do you not? It's more like, this isn't about liking or not liking. mean, that's obviously a part of the conversation, but ⁓ it's more, what is it doing to you, in you? ⁓ Is it invigorating you or is it like draining you? And then really that's what the kid is really trying to say. I don't like it because I feel completely wiped afterwards. But I think when you over schedule, and what I see happen
with kids is then they just can't even be in touch with that. Because it's more, they're just constantly just going from thing to thing to thing. And they're not even like, even, they're not self reflecting at all. It's like when they're in the car, they're vegging out on a device or something to just get a moment to not think about the next thing. And then they go to next thing, they push through school, they push through the event. But it's never really like, what's it doing in you though? And then if we could fine tune that. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (24:37.142)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (24:59.468)
then maybe we wouldn't be wasting so much time just going to all these events. We could find out the ones that really invigorate you. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (25:5.666)
100%. And ⁓ I do think that there is a shield, like a protective shield when your child's in touch with that early. They're a little protected from ⁓ the wants of their parents, ⁓ right? And the pressures because you've given them their compass that they can talk to you about it. The pressures of their peers, the pressures of the world as it comes to this process and what success looks like.
⁓ So I think that there is a ⁓ beautiful language and as you say, tuning that knob so that ⁓ that's a lifelong gift in my books about knowing energetically where you're showing up authentically, joyfully and energetically and what's draining you that you might be doing because we're kind of wired to please others sometimes or impress others sometimes.

Kyle And Sara Wester (25:38.786)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (25:44.716)
Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (25:58.049)
Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Or definitely not upset our parents. ⁓ Kind of wired to do that too. Yes. Yeah. There's the piece of me that just, it's like a deep breath, you know, it's like, okay. just, that's so honoring to the child as a whole person that ⁓

Kerry Roberts (26:1.618)
So I love, ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (26:20.586)
we're coming alongside of them and helping them discover and listen to that voice. And ⁓ there's just something that I say, ⁓ that feels so good that they could possibly grow up being able to trust that.
And listen to that know how to hear it because I think there's so many things that we have just in society that shut down that voice and kids really lose touch with it. And then we get to be grown adults and we don't know how to do it ourselves. I there's plenty of parents right now. They're going, I don't, ⁓ I don't know how to hear that in myself. ⁓ And how am going to teach my kid this? then, and, I think as parents, sometimes we are doing that alongside our child where maybe it was like, I was taught.
I just need, my parents told me what to do and I took those steps and now I tell my child what to do and I want them to take that step. But then it's like, I'm gonna shift that. I wanna do it a little bit different.
And that I think can be a little scary when you think, right. ⁓ I'm going to take this step as a parent. I'm going to do something a little different. Do you see parents, ⁓ trying to navigate that different walk? don't know if I'm saying this the right way or the best way, but you know, where, where it's, it is a different landscape and things are very different and how we were parented and how we are trying to parent. And, and, ⁓ do you see parents kind of just struggling with that and things that maybe help them with that?
change in their style and approach. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (27:46.804)
Yes, by the time I'm working with families, you know, they have high school students ⁓ and I have conversations with families. every, you know, I see parents who grew up, whether it was, you know, just generational or cultural where achievement was self-worth. And these, these, you know, parents are really trying to ⁓ unbundle their own scars. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (28:6.018)
Mm-hmm.

Kerry Roberts (28:15.154)
and ⁓ their own sort of pain and the weight ⁓ of that burden growing up so that they are not handing that to their children. And it's really hard. I really want to emphasize as parents when our kids are heading off to college, ⁓ the idea that they might go to ⁓ brand name you. ⁓
There's excitement in that. ⁓ it takes a lot of work separate from the work that your child is doing on their own college journey. It takes some real reflection and work to try not to send signals to your child, whether spoken or unspoken, about the kinds of colleges that you would be proud. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (28:45.678)
Sure. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:12.366)
⁓ Yes. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (29:12.812)
for them to go to, right? And ⁓ it can be as loud as a bumper sticker or a sweatshirt or as quiet as how you respond to the mail when it shows up from one college versus another. It oozes. ⁓ One of the most, the... ⁓
tangible ways that I see families sometimes start this process in ways I wish they wouldn't sometimes is when the child hits 10th, 11th grade and now we're going to go off and visit some campuses and ⁓ mom and dad book, all these campuses that are really hard to get into from an academic standpoint.

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:52.748)
Yes, yeah, yeah. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (29:55.106)
⁓ And I always encourage, one of the best steps that you could do early in this process is take your child to a college campus where you think that might be a good fit otherwise, size, distance from home, know, culture, but that has a really, really generous acceptance rate. And just talk that college up. ⁓ Look at these football games.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:7.918)
⁓ Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:17.662)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kerry Roberts (30:19.698)
Look at the dorms. my gosh, this food station. Can you believe you can have ramen every day if you want to? ⁓ The gift of that one day and walking out and the child's shoulders just lowering like my mom and dad are going to be so proud of me. And there are so many options for me in this process. ⁓ That is a ⁓ giant first step ⁓ that I think just just just buys.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:25.464)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:34.115)
Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:37.516)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:46.231)
Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (30:49.502)
a ton of mileage in the stress and anxiety of the process.

Kyle And Sara Wester (30:53.366)
Yeah, no, that's so good. could really see some ⁓ of the kids I'm thinking about now that I'm helping. ⁓ Yeah, they would have loved that kind of moment to be able to go like, so that would have been okay. You know, that college would be okay in your eyes. Yeah, because ⁓ I've dealt with Carrie having kids in my office, you know, opening up their email with me to see if they got accepted to some brand name school because they didn't want to do with their parents because they were
⁓ They didn't want to see their face if they didn't get accepted because they thought it would crush them. And so just you don't want to have that kind of interaction. You want to be able to know that there's always this other option to have these one or two schools that these are great. These are great options. And so yeah, shoot for the stars. Go for those other ones. But if you don't get them, you've got these other ones that will also be equally as great. ⁓ And it just be really cool to have that moment with your kid to just enjoy getting accepted instead of being like, well, yeah, you always have that fallback.
You know, it's like, no, we're really excited. You're excited you got this too. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (31:47.511)
gosh, yeah.
Yes, absolutely. It really is a matchmaking process, right? And if I was sitting down with you two as parents in some, you know, archaic world hundreds of years ago and you were asking me to find a life partner for your child and the only thing you cared about was a paycheck, that would be a pretty flawed ⁓ conversation for finding love and partnership. ⁓ you know, there are... ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (31:55.214)
⁓ Mm-hmm, yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (32:6.894)
Yes. ⁓ Yes, right. Yeah. ⁓ Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Kerry Roberts (32:16.594)
There are ⁓ thousands actually four-year degree granting colleges in the United States and so there there's a matchmaking process and a child can thrive anywhere anywhere and it's what they do when they get there that matters a lot more than where they go

Kyle And Sara Wester (32:27.320)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (32:33.006)
Yeah, that's awesome. so Carrie, if our listeners are thinking that they would love some help on this journey, ⁓ how could they get more information from you or how could they ⁓ contact you? Because I know that's what you do. You ⁓ help families do this. And so what age do you start with that? Give some details there so if anyone's interested in contacting you and getting help.

Kerry Roberts (32:53.652)
Yes, yes, thank you. ⁓ Well, give a few times a week, I give ⁓ tips on Instagram so they can find me at Carrie Roberts College Consulting on Instagram. So I give a lot of tips all the way through the process. So early on, right down to very particular coaching tips on the applications. There's lots of wealth of information there. I tend to like to start with students and this ⁓ is a bit uncomfortable, but I'll describe why. I tend to like to start with students earlier on in high school.

Kyle And Sara Wester (33:22.913)
Okay.

Kerry Roberts (33:23.106)
⁓ And this is not because the college application process should start there, but rather this is all back to the beginning of the conversation that if we can find that curiosity, the passion, the interest, the authenticity, then I can set you on a path that is joyful through high school, self-discovery, exploration. So ⁓ a lot of college counselors will help students tell stories, and I like to say I like to help them build stories.

Kyle And Sara Wester (33:42.210)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

Kyle And Sara Wester (33:51.470)
⁓ Yeah. ⁓

Kerry Roberts (33:51.842)
And that can take a couple of years. So I'd like to start with students earlier on in their high school process. ⁓ And they can find me on my website, which I'm sure you probably link in the notebook. Yeah.

Kyle And Sara Wester (34:1.964)
Yeah, yeah, we'll put the links in.
Yeah, and so I hope every listener who's listening to this understands that in this world right now, there's so much pressure, so much pressure on these kids. There is so much anxiety about what they need to do to succeed and they are worried and they are scared. ⁓ It is different than when we ⁓ went to college when Sarah and I did many years back. ⁓ There was some anxiety, there was some stress, but it wasn't like I see with these kids. And ⁓ really what I love that Carrie's doing and I hope that every listener got this is this idea of helping them understand
their story and helping them understand that success isn't just this finite little path, that there is a big road and there's a lot of different ways to get there. And the more and more the kid understands that and has guides, mentors, coaches on that path, including their parents, but also people like Carrie, ⁓ they're going to be able to enjoy those high school years instead of dreading them and just pushing through them. ⁓ Because many of them, they've, ⁓ it is hard to find their joy.
And they just think like, joy will be once I get into college and they get into college and there's pressure there and like, joy will be once I get my job. And then it's not there either. It's like, cause they don't really know who they are. So really this journey is about them discovering who they are, getting in tune with themselves and then helping, ⁓ that will help illuminate the path more clearly for them.
All right, so Carrie, thank you so much for being on as a guest. ⁓ And I definitely encourage everybody to go to the Instagram page and listen to those tips and help you start reshaping how you see this process all the way when they're in elementary school, all the way up into the high school year so you're well equipped to help your kid through this. So thank you for being on with us.

Kerry Roberts (35:37.698)
Thank you for having me. It was a wonderful conversation.

Kyle And Sara Wester (35:41.006)
Thank you. And anything else you want to say, sir? No, I just, I loved this. I could hear a lot more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so thank you. And if anybody wants to get in touch with her, we will have all that information in the show notes below. So you can reach out to her and definitely check her out.