Episode 166

Episode 166 Transcript:

Kyle Wester (25:11.598)
Do you enjoy traveling with your kids? Are road trips or flying in a plane just a horrible experience? Are they tons of fun for your family or just somewhere in between? Today, Sarah and I really wanted to take this podcast to help you ⁓ have a fantastic ⁓ traveling experience, making memories with your family and your kids, because it really does come down to your mindset and how intentional you are before these trips, because these kids want them to be awesome. These kids want them to be
wonderful memory making opportunities, but all too often we slip into certain mindsets that kind of undermine that goal. So we're going to give you the specific ways in which we prepare for a trip. We're even going to talk about specific games we use or different types of ways we, we help the kids prepare for the trip on a long road trip to make sure that these things are enjoyable. Cause early on when we did these, was not prepared and they did not go well. And it almost ⁓ caused me to not want to do any more trips.
but instead we brainstormed how can we do this better? How can we help these trips be the awesome experiences ⁓ that we hope they are, but also that we make them almost a hundred percent likely to be those. Okay. So you're going to get tons of great tips today to enjoy your summertime ⁓ with your kids. If you haven't already, please like, ⁓ and definitely subscribe and definitely comment, all those kinds of things. Find us on YouTube, find us on social media, on Facebook.
on Instagram, tick that we'd love to have you join us in all those places. We're constantly doing more contact in those more content in those spaces to help flesh out even more and go deep, you know, add more stuff to the podcast. So we'd love to have you join us. But we'd love to leave you that five star review if you could, and some comments there. ⁓ We'd love to hear your feedback on how the podcast is helping you and your family. ⁓ So get ready for some helpful tips for your summer vacation.

Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans. I'm Kyle. Hi, I'm Sarah. ⁓ And today we're gonna talk about something fun. Yep. It is summertime and I know we may, we wanted to possibly do something like this early summer, but we're kind of getting this out about mid summer. But man, we really ⁓ wanted to share with listeners some great tips on making your traveling time or vacation time with your kids awesome.
we travel, I think we travel quite a bit. ⁓ in that sometimes we're flying. think the first flight I took with Abby, she was nine months old or something, not little. ⁓ And we traveled, but a lot of times we're driving. So this is a world that we have embraced and do a lot of, of traveling with kids of all ages. ⁓ And so I was looking forward to this one. This one just sounded kind of fun to talk about how to do that ⁓ and how to do it well and have fun with it. ⁓
You know what I loved about it, Sarah, is I remember early on, we met and kind of fell in love doing some traveling, you know, ⁓ and we'd done a trip overseas to Siberia. And that's how we really ⁓ met and got to know each other. And so I wanted to travel a lot with you. And one of my fears I had was when we had kids that would really limit our ability to do things like road trips and stuff like that. Because as a kid, my parents, we just never did that. Like to us, a vacation was camping at the local campground. And that's
I think we went to St. Louis one time, but it was like very limited what we did when I was a kid. So I didn't really have context even how to do it poorly. We just never, we just never did it. ⁓ yeah. So I think I went into it pretty naive. And I remember that one year where we did a trip, we were doing some, some, some work to help ⁓ some people in Costa Rica. And we took Abby with us on that trip. And then she was only 18 months.
And right after that, we went straight from there to Colorado, right? ⁓ And I was excited. I'm like, look at us. We're traveling again. We go to Costa Rica, then to Colorado. And that trip to Colorado wasn't as fun as I thought. The drive to Colorado with a almost two-year-old. Yeah. Surprising. ⁓ I'm just joking about that. Well, it was surprising to me. I thought she was going to sleep the whole way. She's not sleeping the whole way. Yeah. So she had moments where she didn't like being strapped in a

Kyle Wester (2:23.784)
RC and she would cry and like yell and it was driving me nuts. And so I was like this state but then the worst part was we get to the place we're staying and we were staying with some family ⁓ and we put her to bed and she did not sleep like she had a real hard time going to sleep. The tips that were about exactly no because I do you remember like that first night or second night in I was about to call it quits. I'm like we're just driving home like I don't care how long we've rented this house.
we're just going home because I, if I cannot sleep because she is not going to bed or keeps waking up all night, ⁓ I can't enjoy this trip. we might as well just, you know, eject ⁓ and just get out of this situation. Yes. So, ⁓ but I say all that to say I was in despair for a little bit and thought, okay, I guess this traveling dream is forever done. Or ⁓ we can be really intentional about creating the type of traveling we want to do. Right.
And so ⁓ one example, we'll get into some specific tips. One example we started doing is we started making little trips up to Branson, you know, and we go up there. And one of reasons why we did that was because it's like a short three hour drive. And we wanted to, we wanted to, but also because I wanted the kids to get adjusted to that ⁓ situation. Get adjusted to me. Get adjusted that and knowing how to do it. And then Colorado, then the goal was let's do a few of those Branson little trips.
And then when we go to Colorado, I think it's gonna be better because we'll be better equipped at knowing how to help manage it with the kids, make it more enjoyable. ⁓ But it also started shifting the mindset that I had that I very much was a type A type person that getting to the destination is the most important thing. ⁓ So quickly.
Yeah. Without bathroom breaks. As fast as possible. I'm sure none of you have ever said that to your kids, but yes, no bathroom breaks would be amazing, but no. So as fast as possible, few breaks as possible and getting there if the most efficient way is the best. And of course that doesn't work with kids. So a lot of actually the frustration, it wasn't even necessarily due to what the kids were doing, but it was my mindset that needed to shift that the journey is the point.

Kyle Wester (4:36.460)
It's actually not the destination. That getting to the destination is great, but how we get there is as important, if not more important, than whether or not we get to that place. And that was a big mind shift. And I think these things that you designed, you came up with that we started implementing with the kids, I think really came for me from that mindset of I want to enjoy the ride. And now the kids do.
we drive to places like that, these long trips. We one time drove back from Orlando, 18 hour drive and it was fun. Yeah, yeah. We've done, I mean, straight guys. I just stopped for bathroom breaks and stuff, but we won't get into that whole story, but we have taken some long drives with our kids without hotels and, I've got to give a shout out to my parents. We did driving stuff when I was a kid.
is very rare for us to fly anywhere. ⁓ And I really do think they had this approach to it of this is going to be fun. This is going to be an adventure. And they rolled with things quite a bit. And I think that did give me this mindset. I didn't even realize I had that. Hey, this is doable. This can be a good time. ⁓ So I think that did kind of help me ⁓ going into traveling with kids. I didn't have as many. Well, so I think that foundation is important.
And I also want to say we don't use screens, hardly ever. Oh yeah, yeah. It's very limited. It's as important to Yeah, it's very limited. We to let you know when we travel, we don't use screens as a way to just make the time go by. Not because screens are bad, but because I think screens buy into, in my mind, that previous way of thinking. That it's just about like get through this. Like get through the driving, get this over with so we can finally enjoy that. There's really like just watch whatever you can to kind of like
help you tune out, you know, as opposed to what I loved embracing this with you was, man, this road trip could be a blast. And it's not that we're not gonna watch something occasionally in a 10 hour road trip or 18 hour, it's just we're gonna be intentional about, ⁓ let's just do two, two things, right? And then what are we gonna do with the rest of the time? And then creating that with the kids. Yeah, I think, ⁓ so we don't, I wanna build a little more framework. It's not a rigidity about it, it's not a, and it's not judgment against.

Kyle Wester (6:51.608)
TV screens are bad and movies and games all that's bad because we don't also want to build that into our narrative with our kids. So it's just like how are going to use that? But then there's so many other things and I think it's a lost opportunity. ⁓ There have been times we've maybe leaned a little more into screens depending on what's going on and then there's times we've hardly done any ⁓ and ⁓ that flexibility.
And then knowing that if I just do screens, I lose this time of connection. There's something about connecting on a road trip and connecting and travel that's just different. And I don't want to miss that opportunity. It's a really great opportunity for us. And we've had some really, really fun moments. Really great conversations. was asking, before we did this, I was asking our daughter about it ⁓ and just hearing from her the highlights, what she's loved about our road trips now. ⁓
So anyway, I think I don't want to lose those by leaning too heavy on screens. that's part of why we have. when we say screens though, we're also intentional about we have three kids and they all choose together what they're going to watch. ⁓ They're not on separate screens. So even if they watch a show for an hour and half, two hours, they're all going to pick that together. Yeah. So then there's that little touch of connection even if it's in watching something.
There's a connecting moment instead of us all separating and watching separate things and being annoyed at the other person for watching whatever they're watching. Okay. So let's start over this. So this kind of speaks to the first thing ⁓ is you, you put down in your notes, it's mindset first. ⁓ so there was four aspects that one was, and this is what I was not expecting, but expect disruption. Everyone's going to be a little off. So don't let it surprise you.
which it sounds dumb, but it did surprise me. I was like, why are we just not having a great time driving? I think it's like, if I say it, I feel like I'm stating the obvious. Yeah. At the same time, we need to remind ourselves that everyone's off schedule. Traveling in and of itself is stressful and tiring, even when it's fun. Even if you're going to the best place in the world, there's just this inherent ⁓ mess up to your schedule and routine. And some people flow with that more than others. And you just got to be aware of, here we are.

Kyle Wester (8:58.766)
things aren't gonna always go as planned. We're all a little messed up and just, if you're in a space of acceptance, that moment's gonna go better. Number two is flexibility is your best tool. All right, so loosen the grip on the schedule. Okay, like that's where I had to loosen them, bathroom breaks were okay. So we're able to do that. And like also, you if we need to stop to stretch our legs or the kids are feeling a little cramped in here, let's go to try to find a park.
Instead of just go to a restaurant and like get some food, sit there, play in the playground, those kind of things. Yeah, things can happen where we've missed flights before. There was this thing that happened at the airport, blah, blah, blah. And so just realizing, okay, we pivot. We pivot. And I get to decide rather this is going to be a horrible moment of pivoting or if I can infuse it with some joy and laughter and here's a story that'll be told someday, you know? So just have that flexibility in mind. Number three is stay calm, use humor.
and lead with connection. What do mean by that? Well, obviously I want to make light of moments. want to be playful in moments. I want to find ways to do that, to keep just that brevity of everything that's going on. And ⁓ I want a lot of connection. And we've talked about connection before, so we can dive into that. But it's always screens will deter from connection. I want to find little ways.
to be having moments. You know, when you say that, I'm thinking of that time we're driving back from Colorado and the car was shaking and I didn't know what was wrong. And I pulled over and I looked, I couldn't find anything wrong. And then I continued to drive and it still shaking. And I went out and looked and several of the lug nuts, three of the lug nuts were missing on one of our back tire. And I remember my initial reaction would have been anger, would have been frustration. Why us? or also like how dumb can I be?
to be driving a car with three, as if somehow I would have known that and I should have seen that. like ⁓ that's, I would, yeah. How much is it going to cost me now to fix this? All this stuff. ⁓ We're in middle of Kansas. Yeah. So how are going to find somebody? Yeah. All that. But instead, because I stayed calm and used humor, it ended up being like quite a fun experience. I remember the guy was like 30 minutes away. He picked us up.

Kyle Wester (11:14.478)
and the kids were able to like ask him who were the strangest people he's ever told. And he would have some funny stories. And I even remember he said, Hey, if you pay me cash for this, it'd be like, I just so happened to have cash on me, which I typically don't. And I was able to pay him for that. So all those, and then on the drive home, that was like a really fun experience. And it was like a neat experience to sit on the side. The weather was good. It wasn't hot or we sat in the tall grass. Yeah. it just, got to talk to kids through what we were doing. We were laughing as we were waiting for the tow truck.
And I was like, this was really cool. And that was now part of that experience. One time we got stuck in the snow, my family, when I was a kid. And my dad had to walk. mean, guys, were no cell phones or anything. we sat there for a while, though. My dad eventually had to go get help. But anyway, we sat there, and we just started singing, and everyone's laughing. So it's kind of one of those we could have sat there and just thought, this is terrible. This is miserable. It's night. It's dark. We're in the middle of nowhere. We're in the snow.
stuff and instead again it's kind of what you can move them the moment into instead of shifting your mindset there yeah and the last one was plan for rest and emotional resets yours and theirs so tell me more about that planning well this one guys we can be go go go yeah I don't know if you guys are go go go but if you are like us
I know there are moments that even if we want to do one more thing, we think we wanted to go on one more hike, you know, we're in Yosemite or something like, okay, no, we actually need to just pause here. We need to take a break. And we took our kids to this little river and played in the river and just looking for those moments and being aware of have that check in. I'm really tired. They're really tired. Even though we're having fun, we still need a moment.
take those moments, it'll help everyone kind of refresh and be ready. Yeah. So those are four steps to get your mindset in the right place. Okay. But now I love these three components you have of how to be intentional before you go. Okay. So number one, you had let kids help you plan, ⁓ give simple choices to build some buy into what we're doing. Yeah. So that's like helping your kids create the trip, helping your kids. I love we love watching YouTube.

Kyle Wester (13:26.158)
stuff with the kids and say, this is where we're going to go. Here's the top things to do there. What do you guys want? So the more they take part in creating the vacation or the trip with you, the more buy-in they have, the more likely they're going to enjoy it. Especially with teenagers. know, you can, we've given our kids the job of finding some things they want to do, you know, you plan it. but
Bring them in on it. Find out what's really, really important to some people. ⁓ Maybe it's, want time to read or play games. Maybe it's, I want time to ⁓ be at the pool or something like that, but find out what's important to them instead of just playing it all yourselves. Like sometimes we can fall into that. Yeah. Well, cause it's just easier that way, right? It's just like, we just think what do we want? And then the kids are just supposed to fall along, right? And once again, that moment of being seen, being heard, being valued is so important to our kids and our relationship.
Well, it's lot of things like it's avoiding the conflict of us having disagreeing things, right? But ⁓ we see conflict as an opportunity to come closer together, really understand each other. ⁓ Okay. So number two on that was keep a flexible schedule. This kind of goes back to the planning for rest that you talked about earlier, but keep the schedule flexible structure helps you want to have that, but don't overdo it. Don't make it ⁓ so rigid that everybody's pushing against it, you know? And like, it's almost hard to enjoy it because it's just a task to be completed.
When really once again, the point of the vacation is to be with each other ⁓ and it's not just to do things. Yeah. Yeah. And I think maybe the flip side of that is if you have nothing planned then that could also, ⁓ we probably err on the side of having too much and you know, but I think you can also fall on the other side where everyone's kind of going, what are we doing? What's happening? So have enough of a plan, but then some movement within that. And then this last one you're really good at. I love how you do this with the kids. Pack with intention.
So bring some comfort items, some activities, some extra clothes and a calm mindset. So there you are so good about thinking ahead. I know one thing that a lot of parents don't do, I never thought of it till you did it was anytime we're going on a road trip or taking a flight, you always look for two or three little, like they're not expensive, little things that are just kind of novel and just new. ⁓ And to them they go, what is this? And then that's gonna like their curiosity's peaked about, I can't wait to get in the car and be able to play with this, right?

Kyle Wester (15:43.778)
Yeah. Yeah. So it started when they were really little, you know, even just a little bottle with some little pom-pom things that they could stuff in and pull out. I'm talking like babies, you know, where that was this putting things in and pulling out was so fascinating when you're one years old. but, ⁓ all along the way, I look for those moments, you know, those moments where you think, ⁓ we've had it where we were stuck in the car traffic. was some accident or something. We were just stuck sitting in a long line of traffic for an unknown time period. when I can see. ⁓
they're, they're tired. They're having a bit of a struggle. pull out one of these little things ⁓ and they have been again, I'm saying I, I think 10 bucks is probably max. They're really small little things, but something new and that novel thing peaks that curiosity. ⁓ It peaks the happy centers of the brain and it just gives them something to focus on. So it's been a fun thing and they always look forward to what new surprising thing is going to.
out somewhere on the trip. Okay, so that was the way to prepare before you go. Now you've got the section of here's what to kind of do on the road or in the air. Okay, so the first section you had here was entertainment, make a family playlist and sing together. Right. So maybe our family, our family might be pretty unique and weird, but we like musicals and we to sing together and do those. also we'll give like
give our oldest the opportunity like you pick a traveling. say, well, yeah, they always, it's not just us picking and they're picking and saying, play this one now. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're sharing songs that they like. And then we're all able to learn those songs together. Have fun singing those. I love that. Use audio books, podcasts or calming music for quiet time. there are times, especially when they were littler and we wanted them to take a nap in the car or something like that. It's like, Hey, let's do this. Be like, settle downtime.
So there's not going to be, we're not watching a movie during this time. We're just going to put on some classical music or some audio book that's kind of soothing. Right. are so many great podcasts out there for kids ⁓ that have been enjoyable. We've had some story ones where they're telling stories. ⁓ Our son really loves this one about novel inventions that kids make. And so he'll listen to that. But there's, different ones that are just really fun ways to all still be doing something together, engaging.

Kyle Wester (17:57.304)
but we're switching the tone, we're mixing it up and yeah. And then you have here, of course, going back to that, bringing a few new or wrapped items such as ⁓ toys, such as, be books. ⁓ You put in here sticker books, our kids really enjoy those where they can, there's reusable sticker books, you know, or the ones where they're making art, where they're putting the stickers there. Those are fun ones that take a lot of time and a lot of focus. they do.
I'm gonna try to get a list and put it in our show notes of some of our kids. Oh, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. yeah, so look for that. Yeah. So I'm gonna try put that in there. But there's there's been a few that are easy, you know, for me, I'm I want it easy to pack. I want it light. I'm not bringing big things. I want it all to able to go in their backpack, but things that they can pull out and do on the trip. And I don't know, is this where we have some of our games? can't remember. Not yet. We almost got them in Nexus snacks. Don't don't don't don't skip snacks for games.
And then we've got everybody knows snacks are important. know but you I love how you bring these special treats that aren't like I mean, some are sugary, right? They're fun. But they're not super sugary. It's not about just you know, but even like some traditions we do is when we go to the first gas stop, the kids can pick out you know, kind of thing like a candy bar. Yeah, it's ⁓ like, wow. Yeah. So I usually try to get similar to the other things. I'll bring something a little different, something a little surprising. The other thing that's meant a lot to our kids.
is I pack a little container with different compartments of snacks so that they always know they can just reach in and grab something. So they have their little, we have special ones, but then we have these little packets of, you know, and it might have some healthier things and mix of things, strawberries, things like that, but things that they can pull out on their own when they're hungry or whatever they're feeling. Sometimes food is a nice comfort and it can be helpful on a trip. And now we get into games. So ⁓ some games that you enjoy. So you put on here, would you rather.
Like that can be a fun kind of bonding game. ⁓ It's a good way to get to know each other really well. I don't know if you put this down, I don't see it, but they had one that was like the rubberneckers game. That was kind of fun. you're to get driving, there's rubberneckers and driving scavenger hunt. And both of those have been really silly, funny games that we played. I didn't put on there, but mad libs. yes. ⁓ We like that. We loved doing ad libs. Even just the license play one. That was crazy. We were trying to get

Kyle Wester (20:12.780)
all 50 and then you turned it into like a school activity where once they saw the license, didn't count unless they could all figure out what the capital of that name, the cap at that state was. And then it could count. And then when we found Alaska and we found Hawaii, we were like, my gosh, it was so fun. Like, ⁓ So even that, I mean, this is a big deal. ⁓
saw the license plate for Hawaii and not in Hawaii. We have not been to Hawaii. It was in Colorado. Somebody had it. Alaska. Yes. so the kids were like, oh my gosh, we finally did it. I think we found all 50. So even that was like a fun one of us as a family working together. And that took up a lot of time. Yeah. Cause you're just, and so we're talking about what we see on the road at the same time, we're looking for license plates. So it kind of helps time go And I think you also would tell stories together, invent characters, those kinds of creative things where we're just having fun making those up.
you put in building breaks, like stop regularly to move to play to reset, ⁓ let everyone stretch, breathe, regroup. And that's just kind of, think, just being aware of that of where I can definitely just push through it. And I can just think, you I can get that mindset. Let's just get there. But I, that's what I think is the beautiful thing about having kids is yes, they want to get there, but they also, when we stop somewhere, they want to be there too. And it reminds me like, even though I have a, ⁓ I'm looking at my watch thinking, how long has this taken? I need to slow down.
and just take a moment to enjoy the process. And that's really all of parenting is. It's not trying to get somewhere with them. It's about enjoying the process because you want them to enjoy that process too. And then if everyone buys into that on these vacations, then we're not all ⁓ easily knocked over when things don't go a certain way. delays are. And we openly talk about, okay, well, this got messed up. What if we can be upset about it?
⁓ you know, we can honestly, ⁓ it may be frustrating. We may be tired. We talk about that, but then we also talk about it's an opportunity to decide how we're going to create this moment, you know, where if we have to run a car and we were going to fly or whatever it might be, you know, on vacations, things come along. And I think that's the biggest thing is seeing as opportunity to create something and help build resilience in your kids. ⁓ So the last two pieces of advice or wisdom you have about traveling, Sarah is stay curious, not controlling.

Kyle Wester (22:26.444)
So you said here, when things go sideways, try asking, what's this moment needing from me? ⁓ When things are, and that's even what I felt with the car and needing to get their repairs. What is this moment about? I was thinking, ⁓ the moment at first was, my God, how can I let this happen? And how's, how are gonna get this fixed? Instead it was like, wait, how are the kids ever gonna know how to handle this unless they see us handle this? This is a great opportunity for them to see us handle this with patience, ⁓ with kindness, with humor, right? ⁓ And just to,
really believe it's gonna be okay. We'll figure this out. Yeah. Thank goodness we didn't die. ⁓ the wheel could have come off. We're gonna die then we didn't. And I'm so glad we figured that out before that happened. And I'm glad now that we got the lug nuts on it. So that's an important piece. Second one is use humor and empathy to bring tension down. So there will be time, no matter how fun the trip is, people are gonna be at each other's throats. People are gonna be annoyed. People are gonna get sick inside of tending and lying at ⁓ the amusement park or whatever, right?
and to be able to model as adults to the kids how to use humor, ⁓ how to be humble, how to be grateful and just model that for them instead of just like giving them a lecture about it, right? Yeah, Have grace for yourself and for each other, you know, be gentle with each other. So the final point and kind of wrapping up what we started with is just remember you're not just getting from point A to point B. You're practicing flexibility, connection and memory making all along the way.
So even the meltdowns can be moments of growth for both you and them. ⁓ So we really hope that if you haven't taken a trip yet, I hope this extremely helps you prepare for that trip. If you already have, I'd love for you just to reflect on, maybe you did a lot of this stuff. Maybe there's some of the stuff you wish you would have done and you will implement in the future. We would love to hear from you. I'd love for you to send us an email or comments out. Maybe you try some of these things and it makes your road trip or your vacation where you're flying or whatever.
even better one. And so we'd love to hear about those success stories because our family loves to travel. Yeah, give us any tips that we yeah, anyone's here. That's great. Any games you have and we'll put in the show always looking for new stuff. Yeah, we'll try to make sure to put in the show notes some of those thoughts, but we'd love to hear yours back and maybe we'll use yours on our next trip that we're taking. Okay. So thank you so much for listening today and I hope you have a fantastic summer with your kids making wonderful memories.